Tip of the week: the desire for certainty

At the root of a great deal of the tension and nervousness we feel during the execution of our swings in match-play stems from the desire to be certain or sure.

In practice, the desire to be certain is less powerful and so we are more cavalier with the way we swing the racket. It looks like we trust more, but the reality is, we care less if the ball goes in.

In a match, we want to be certain the ball is going to stay in and as a result, we almost invariably slow down the racket speed and often end up pushing the ball or moving awkwardly around contact.

Is that your experience?

If it is, we need to give up this desire for certainty. The future is always uncertain and that is its nature, regardless of our needs and desires. If we can accept that reality, it will be easier to swing freely and see what happens!

Are you ready for the adventure?

July 11th tip of the week: Absorb and grow!

Every year for the past 23 years, Wholistic Tennis Academy has given out and sold t-shirts with sayings on the back.

This year’s t-shirt is ‘absorb and grow’.

Words are like art. The artist can paint something that he sees in one way, but everyone is free to interpret ‘his’ painting anyway they wish.

So please feel free to choose to understand these words any way you wish.

I am simply sharing with you some thoughts.

What I love about the word absorb is that it is so feminine and yet so powerful. Normally we think of the male, yang, energy as being powerful.

So, how can absorbing be such a powerful act?

For me, it is powerful because I have found it to be transformative!!

Look at your own experience. Perhaps you have been fighting anger, fear, doubt, frustration or nervousness for many years.

How has the fighting or escaping helped? If fighting has not helped, why not try absorbing? See what happens?

So, the next time any of these emotions come up, instead of seeing it as something negative to be gotten rid of, perhaps we can just quietly live our experience of the emotion.

Then, when it comes time to execute, we can focus on the physicality of our movements and swing with abandon, despite what we are feeling.

In other words, our feelings, such as they may be, need not change our swings, often they do, but they need not.

Absorb, Experience, Experiment and Explore!

 

 

July 4th Tip of the week: getting the most out of every situation

It seems almost everyone wants to play with players better than themselves. The fallacy is that if I play with players better than me, then, by osmosis, I will also get better.

This is simply not true. In my understanding you can improve regardless of who is on the other side of the court in most situations.

The wise man learns from every situation, the fool blames everyone else and learns nothing, and it is never his fault!

Consequently, this week’s blog is about finding a way to learn and enjoy the game, even if you find yourself on the court with someone who does not play as well as you!

I would like to start with a funny (and sad anecdote!). I once put a group together and two different people came to me after the game and said, ‘please do not put me with that person again because she is much too weak a player for me’. They were talking, not about a third party, but about each other!

So, it is always good to keep in mind that our assessment of ourselves or others may not always be spot on. You may need to ask for an honest second opinion (not always easy to get!).

Regardless, the topic is how can we get the most out of every situation that we are placed in.

It is quite simple really, we just have to think a little outside the box or turn off one of the many minds (voices) floating in our heads.

Let us assume that your assessment is correct and that you are playing opponents that are much weaker than you. Once you recognize that, you have to turn off your competitive mind and now focus on how you can enjoy this experience and make it productive.

The first thing is if their backhand is weaker than their forehand, hit to the forehand! If they cannot move, hit to them! If they cannot handle your most powerful shots, hit at a pace they can handle!

I think by now, you get the picture. In this way, both you and your opponent can enjoy the game. They will get a chance to play and you will have a chance to hit more balls.

In addition, you can always try tactics you are uncomfortable with or try to hit shots that you are not proficient at.

Again, in my experience, my game only really jumped levels, when I was able to work some things out in me and was completely unrelated to my opponents or my hitting partners. As I got more comfortable with myself, I was able to execute my shots better; and the person on other side cannot help me get more comfortable with myself.

In short, in my opinion, there is a great deal of growth possible in YOURSELF in every situation.

Or you could stay the same and just blame the game-arranger!

 

July tip of the week: Drop the beginner’s mind!

For thousands of years, in the zen tradition, nurturing the beginner’s mind was something to be admired, a goal to be strived for.

What the heck happened?

In ancient India, the beginner’s mind was described as one of awe, one of wonderment where an openness to all that exists was implied. The potential of such a mind seemed limitless.

Today’s beginner’s mind seems to be something completely different. Today’s beginner’s mind is very judgmental. It is convinced that it ‘knows’ nothing and is basically incapable of doing even the simplest of tasks. It is always thinking the worst and it is has adopted an entire set of beliefs that make us feel safe, but are COMPLETELY wrong.

The beginner’s mind of old nurtured trust and in that trust anything could be accomplished. Today’s beginner’s mind is rooted in a sense of ‘I’m not good enough’; it is much more logical and creates numerous obstacles to accomplishing anything.

How can we drop the present day beginner’s mind and move into the trust that arises from dropping all knowledge without being paralyzed by the reality of not-knowing and yet being open to Life being revealed to us.?

Knowing nothing allows us the opportunity to discover amazing things. The fear that can arise from not knowing can make us cripples, incapable of accomplishing even the simplest of tasks successfully.

 

Enjoy the journey…………….

 

June tip of the month: Are you a good doubles partner?

June tip of the month: What type of doubles partner are you?

I have been around tennis clubs all around the world for the past 52 years of my life. This has given me a unique opportunity, not only to observe a wide variety of behaviour, but also made me privy to what people really think about the people they play with.

The root of almost every complaint is that players do not feel supported by their partner. This lack of support can be expressed in many ways. A negative gesture or a pregnant silence whenever your partner makes an error are the most subtle ways to express disapproval.

Not everyone can be subtle, however, some openly express their frustration or anger and this can lead to some nasty confrontations or suppressed hurt feelings.

The tone and content of the comments you make to your partner when they err are key factors in determining if you are a supportive partner or a negative influence.

Please keep in mind that no one means to make a mistake; errors happen despite our best efforts to avoid them.

Does your behaviour influence your partner’s performance?

Will a player perform differently if he or she feels criticized and put down as opposed to being supported and accepted?

What do you think?

Instead of open criticism, some players will adopt the subtler, passive-aggressive approach of offering ‘advice’ and suggestions to their partner on a wide array of subjects.

The implication being, ‘I’m the better player and I am going to teach you how to be a better player’.

This is a very condescending, disrespectful attitude, which has no place between two humans.

My feeling on giving advice to your partner is simple—don’t do it unless your partner expressly asks for it and even then, do it very, very sparingly!

It is quite possible that many readers will argue that since doubles is a team sport, would it not be beneficial, if not absolutely necessary, to confer with one’s partner?

There is certainly truth to that statement. So how do we reconcile these two seemingly opposite statements?

I think a lot depends on where the advice giver is coming from. Coming from a state of superiority that ‘I am better’ than the other and ‘I know’ is very different from discussing a particular situation with a partner and exchanging ideas on how to proceed.

The fact is that very few advice givers would place themselves in the first category…………..and yet, many, many players feel intimidated and uncomfortable with their partner giving them advice. That’s why I think it is better to avoid it altogether.

Advice givers, think on this:

Why is winning or playing the ‘right way’ so important to you?

How would you feel if others constantly told you what to do on the court?

Why is it so difficult to focus simply on yourself, instead of trying to ‘help’ others, especially when they have not asked for help?

Why are you so certain that you know what is right for others?

Please understand that your partner is doing the best they can (even if they don’t play as well as you or even if they are not having a good day) and they have the same right to come out and play their game as you do to play your game.

Finally, please note how much more pleasant your playing experience is if you and those around you are laughing and enjoying themselves. Is winning or playing the ‘right’ way really more important than respecting, accepting and connecting with others in a way that is uplifting for all concerned?

Advice receivers, think on this:

Why do you need the support of your partner?

Why is their disapproval so painful?

Why is the fear of conflict so scary that it stops you from standing up for yourself when you feel uncomfortable or if you feel someone has treated you disrespectfully?

How long are you willing to suffer before you will do something about it?

How long are you willing to blame others for your unhappiness?

Do you see your role in this scenario? Why are you are allowing this to happen and doing nothing?

It doesn’t matter if the other is a better tennis player than you or ‘knows’ more than you. As individuals you both have exactly the same rights to express yourself on the court in the unique way that you do.

So, what kind of partner are you?

Are you supportive or are you critical? Do you inspire your partner to play their best or do you bring out their worst? Win or lose, do your partners walk off the smiling or unhappy?

happy hitting!

May tip of the month: ego and tennis

The mental side of the game remains the most important determining factor for success at every level of this and every other sport.

It is also the most mysterious and hardest to affect any change despite the claims of many sports psychologists.

This is a complex issue and I certainly do not claim to have all the answers, but it is something I am very fascinated by and interested in. Consequently, I have spent some time exploring this issue and my objective is simply to share this experience.

So, here is something to explore if you are dealing with nerves, tension, anger, frustration or any other emotional state that does not allow you to play the best tennis you are capable of playing.

What would happen to your competitive experience if you made a conscious effort to take ego out of your life; both on and off the tennis court?

We could make a game of it. Refuse to strengthen ego by giving it credit for anything. Notice how, ego wants to take credit for anything ‘good’ that happens. Conversely, the ego also wants to take the blame for all the ‘bad’ that happens.

Let us play with the idea of not not taking blame or credit and see what happens to our competitive experience.

Some years ago, I was talking to a competitive college player who was struggling with anger and frustration. We talked about taking the ego out of playing; about understanding that there was a factor in execution that we seemingly had little control over. Consequently, regardless of our effort and commitment, the result was more of a ‘happening’ rather than something we could ‘guarantee’ or had full control over.

I suggested that perhaps he should highlight this ‘happening’ aspect and take no credit for the successes and no blame for the ‘failures’. The player nodded politely, but I could see he struggled mightily with the concept that he could never take credit for his wins.

Even though, I had raised this concept of removing ego from playing some 4-5 years ago, I only really understood it this winter.

The past two winters, perhaps for the first time in my life, I began playing tennis with the focus on me and my game as a priority. It was an amazing experience, one full of learning and growth.

This past winter whenever I received a complement about my game, I noticed that I felt the need to explain and what often came out initially was, ‘yes, I have been working on my game’.

As I listened to these words come out of my mouth, I realized that ego was taking credit for the improvement.

I also realized that these words, spoken by the ego, were inaccurate.

The truth was not that ‘I’ (the ego) had worked anything out, but that things had been ‘revealed’ to me.

This is not just a matter of semantics; I am convinced that the latter statement is true, while the first is absolutely false.

The difference in experienced sprang from dropping all that I knew and instead paying attention to things: both psychical (hitting the ball) and emotional (the feelings that were arising as the ball came towards me and at contact).

Instead of ‘telling’ the body what to do, I started experimenting, exploring and watching what the body was doing and what affects different actions had on where the ball went and what it did.

The more attention I paid to these things, the more things were ‘revealed’ to me. It was truly exhilarating to be shown things every time I stepped onto the court! Quite an amazing experience and best of all there was no one to take credit for the results that ensued, consequently, the ego was not strengthened!

My suggestion is for you to find ways to weaken ego in yourself both on and off the court and see what happens.

This game between ego and ‘the one who can see all the games of the ego’ seems to be the real game.

You may win more money, fame and power by winning Wimbledon or Roland Garros, but, in my experience, the rewards are greater winning the game of ego.

Although, truth be told, I have never won Wimbledon or Roland Garros, so perhaps I cannot really make that statement!

LOL.

Explore and enjoy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

April tip of the month: exploring the role of trust in timing

Another argument for poor timing is I didn’t watch the ball’ or poor concentration.

This explanation implies control. It implies that if we were focused or concentrated our timing would be there. It implies that if we did A, then B would follow.

Having control somehow makes us more comfortable than uncertainty.

But is this true? Do we have control over timing? What is the nature of timing?

For me, timing is not tangible. It is not something we can calculate. When do take the racket back? When exactly do we bring it forward? No one can tell us anything about these things. We have to be present and we have to trust.

Trust is difficult to attain. Most of us are control freaks. We want to know and we want to be sure. However, this is impossible. The future, by definition, is something that has not happened and what will actually happen, we can never be sure about.

How comfortable can we be in not-knowing? Can we accept the reality of not-knowing and relax into it?

For the hands to be in sync with the ball requires you being there. But, because of the endless dialogue in our mind caused by the feelings of doubt, fear and desire to be sure, being there becomes impossible.

The best players in the world seem to prepare early and then wait in that position for the ball to come. The shorter distance involved in bringing the racket from the preparation position to contact seems to make timing easier.

Club players, however, very rarely prepare early. Consequently, their rackets have to travel a longer distance to contact, therefore making timing much more difficult.

So early preparation seems to be a key to good timing. However, the most important ingredient to good timing, in my opinion, is trust.

Club players do not trust their athletic skills and therefore try hard to make contact and this ‘trying’ makes them tight, thus slowing the swing and making it jerky, which obviously renders good timing extremely difficult.

However, the perils of wanting control are not limited to players of any particular playing ability, but are part of the human condition.

So how do we develop trust?

Most people do it through hours of practice. The more times you perform a certain action, the more certain you will be that you can, indeed, perform that action. However, this is not really trust, it is a belief and beliefs are fragile and can fall away in the face of a little adversity.

We have to nurture trust off the court. As we explore trust off the court in our every day lives, the more likely it will be to show up on the tennis court.

We can nurture trust by bringing more attention to our bodies as we go about our daily routines.

We can explore trust by moving into uncomfortable situations that we would normally avoid.

We can experiment with trust by watching silently and without judgment as thoughts pass endlessly through our minds.

We can explore trust by observing the lack of trust we have and how we try and control almost all facets of our Life, from big decisions to everyday minor actions.

Find your own ways to explore trust!

March tip of the month: exploring timing?

In last month‘s tip, we explored the role of timing in the quest for successful execution and this month’s tip is a continuation of that theme.

I had suggested that much of the frustration players feel during competition is due to the lack of understanding of the importance and difficulty of timing. Regardless of the technical difficulty of a particular stroke, timing has to be spot on for success.

So, what is timing and what are the skills necessary to improve our timing or perhaps, a better question is how do we interfere with our ‘natural’ ability to time a ball.

I describe timing as the ability to bring racket and ball together at just the ‘right’ time.

Obviously, we have no control over the ball so there is not much we can do there, but watch it come and move towards it.

The racket, however, we do control, so what are the difficulties involved in bringing the racket to the ball in a timely fashion.

Most people, I would guess, would say movement (feet) is the greatest problem in getting the racket to the ball, however, I respectfully, disagree.

The mind would agree with that reason because it leaves us in control. In other words, if we can get our feet into position, we will be able to hit the ball perfectly. It is something tangible we can do to take control and because of that there is comfort in that.

The reality of timing is more subtle and much less tangible and therefore can lead to much discomfort.

I would like to suggest an alternative. The feet not being in position is often a symptom, not the root cause of errors in timing. If the player is an athlete or is physically able to be in position to hit the ball, why does that not happen? Very rarely is the actual physical movement the problem.

The greatest difficulty, in my opinion, is waiting for the ball. The hands can move much quicker than the time it takes for a ball to travel from one side of the court to the other and yet many players look rushed when they play.

However, to prepare the racket to swing and then keep the hands still and wait for the ball to arrive seems much easier than it actually is.

Why is that?

Next week: What are the hindrances to swinging freely. Why is it so difficult to wait and what can we do about it?

February tip of the month: Frustration and anger

 

Players often lament a missed a shot they ‘should’ have made.

Much of the source of the anger and frustration competitors experience stems from this root: missing shots that we believe we ‘should’ have made.

However, closer examination reveals that this word ‘should’ reveals a lack of understanding of what is really involved in executing a successful shot.

Let us examine and explore this simple and much-misunderstood concept.

‘Should’, implies that the shot is easy. Why is it considered easy? Is it easy because the technical skill required to hit the shot is very low?

Most probably, but if it was really so easy, why would we all miss these type of shots so frequently?

There must be something more involved.

Is technical skill all that is necessary in order to execute a winning shot or any shot for that matter? Careful consideration will reveal that technical skill is simply one, albeit the most obvious, of the components necessary.

So, what else is required for successful execution of any shot?

In my opinion, the single most important ingredient for a successful shot is timing: the ability to bring the racket and ball together at exactly the ‘right’ time (a mystery in itself, something that it is not possible to calculate).

Timing skills are both easier and more difficult to master than technical skills.  Easier, because timing requires trusting oneself and committing to our swing, whatever it may be.  More difficult, because all effort to succeed creates a hindrance and it is so hard to simply observe without interfering.

As we become more aware of the timing skills required for successful execution, the chances are we will realize that there is no such thing as an ‘easy’ shot.   Perhaps, through that understanding our anger and frustration will diminish and we can be less hard on ourselves!

Next month we will explore what timing is and what skills are necessary to improve timing.

January tip of the month: concentration and focus

Most coaches and players would agree that players need both focus and concentration in order to be successful and that these qualities are as important as technique, fitness or tactical awareness if not more important.

However, before we can improve these qualities, we must first decipher what they are. Are the two words interchangeable? Do they mean the same thing? How are they different?

I want to discuss what these words actually mean. What are we trying to concentrate on? Where should our focus be?

Perhaps focus refers to the general goal of trying to win or play the match at hand. To keep one’s attention on the goal of playing tennis as opposed to becoming distracted by allowing various thoughts to pull us away. Thoughts like: ‘who is watching’, ‘how can I be losing’, I hope I don’t blow this lead and numerous other thoughts, which weaken our ability to focus on the matter at hand.

So what is concentration? If you ask players or coaches what the object of concentration should be, I think the answer would almost unanimously be the same: the ball!

Many players and coaches deem it absolutely necessary to develop the ‘skill’ to actually watch the ball, which seems to be incredibly difficult because most unforced errors are accompanied by the exclamation: ‘watch the ball!’ Obviously, the implication is that players are not watching the ball.

I would like to suggest that the problem is not that we are not watching the ball because how often does the ball go one way and the player move in the opposite direction? But asking yourself or others to watch the ball does not seem to result in the ball being watched. Why not?

It seems to me, watching the ball is simply not enough because seeing the ball requires a subtle balance of watching and trust. To have one without the other is to be blind and will not result in clean contact.

Trust arises when we passively bring attention to our own body. When we bring attention to our own body, the attention is here and not out there. Of course if we are most concerned about what is happening out there, it will be extremely difficult to keep our attention right here, hence the necessity for trust!

So, what should we be concentrating on as we wait for the ball to come to us?

I would suggest that you experiment with concentrating on your hands as they immediately prepare to receive the ball. Bring your attention to the hands moving towards the side the ball is travelling to. You may also notice your legs move into position to hit the ball. All of these things and any more you may think of are passive observations as opposed to commands telling yourself what to do.

So yes, our eyes are on the ball, but our concentration is on ourselves. If we forget ourselves, we will struggle with making good contact or being in the right position.

There is a saying that people use that requires us to ‘be the ball’ or lose oneself in the ball, but perhaps the opposite is true.

Experiment with ‘finding yourself’ as you play by bringing attention to self in the midst of competition and see what happens.

Experiment, explore and enjoy!